A Gallic Shrug and a Yellow Jersey

Does anyone else find it ironic that of all people asked to determine the level of testosterone in someone's body, this critical task fell on the French? Yes, France -- a place that's seen no such hormone in say, 70 years. OK, I'll concede French soccer superstar Zinedine Zidane showed some serious manly behavior in the 2006 World Cup by laying a vicious headbutt into an Italian defender that would have made Ric Flair weep with envy. This act drew a fine and a suspension, penalties usually associated with testosterone-induced infractions. But other than that isolated incident, can anyone tell me of a time when the French were chest-beating cavemen who made others fear for their lives? Perhaps not since Charles Martel in the Middle Ages; that guy was one bad warrior.

It's unfortunate that Floyd Landis may have to relinquish his Tour de France title if he's found to have "unnatural" levels of testosterone in his system. Gee, all this time I thought guys with lots of testosterone were either middle linebackers, Alaskan King Crab fishermen, or...winners of the most grueling cycling event in the world. Apparently, there's a standing order to investigate any American winner of a uniquely French sporting event. Well, French in the sense that the cyclists use French roads and stay in French hotels -- you get my meaning, n'est-ce pas?

Even if he is exonerated of being too manly, Landis will undoubtedly have to perpetually contend with a Roger Maris-like asterisk clouding his exceptional performance. Personally, I hope he's cleared. Winning that race is a truly awesome accomplishment. If he's guilty, then our French friends will have even more ammunition for their, "Je deteste les Americains" mentality. Hey Guillaume and Francois, it's the Tour de France and not the Tour of Germany for a reason, mes amis.

Certainment, my comments are tongue-in-cheek and not meant to be spiteful or demeaning to our European associates. I consider the ability to make a fabulous Bordeaux a quite manly pursuit, and I for one am grateful to the French for their expertise in grape smashing. It does make the filet mignon taste better. Oh well, c'est la vie. Pass the pommes frites, y'all.

Vive le France!!